The Time Bandit #1 – Monkey-ed Movies

Get ready to lose half an hour to the power of Monkeys dressed like movie characters.

Monkey-ed Movies was a series of short films broadcast on US TV network TBS in the 1990s. Films featuring all-primate casts. Top Gun is among my personal favourites, not least for the nose-picking scene…

Then there’s the chimp that does a better Jeff Goldblum than Jeff Goldblum…

Get the full load of Monkeyed Movies by clicking here. And wave goodbye to your afternoon.

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The Moviebarn Awards #1: What the f*@k is that supposed to be?

Yes, as you’ve heard, The Moviebarn is set to dole out the award for Worst Special Effects ever. Here’s those clips – pick your favourite using the poll at the foot of the page, or by emailing the studio – studio@freshair.org.uk

1) Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)

Don’t worry if you haven’t seen the first two parts of the Shark Attack saga, as you’ll be able to jump right in here, at a scene featuring a jet-ski, lots of screaming, and the kind of effects you could pull off with two sheets of paper and a pair of scissors.

2) The Regenerated Man (1994)

Now I know what you might be thinking – bit harsh to mock the computer work here, it was only the 90s. Well they used the same computer software to make the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, and that wasn’t total balls.

3) Unknown film by Chiranjeevi (The ’80s)

Couldn’t find out the name of this, The Unknown Soldier of films with atrocious special effects. So check out the big man’s Wiki, and marvel at the lo-fi wonder of this 3-way battle between horse, car, and conventional logic.

Kung Fu Panda: Review

Spare a thought, if you will, for the guys in charge of signing off the titles of Hollywood movies. The problem they face is the old ‘book-by-cover’ routine – the prejudgments an audiences will make based on a film’s title can make or break a picture. Best then, when your film features a Chinese bear that knows martial arts, to keep it simple. ‘Kung Fu Panda’. No confusion. Continue reading

Wanted: Review

 

Another week in Movieland, and another comic book/graphic novel/scribbling-on-fag-packet writ large on the big screen. And just like the best talent scouts and the seediest old men, Hollywood’s started gettin’ them while they’re young. Wanted was snapped up by Universal after just one issue, a graphic novel that, frankly, has ball-all to do with the film. Continue reading

Good Song/Bad Movie – The Matrix: Reloaded/Deftones

The Matrix: Reloaded should be seen by all who haven’t yet seen it. Not because it’s good, of course, but as an abject lesson in the following; disappointment, confusion, incredulity, anger, and the best way to go about pissing a decent idea up the wall. Continue reading

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Review

Yes, everyone’s favourite fedora-wearing professor is back on the block. A mere 19 years after The Last Crusade, Spielberg and Lucas have brought one of cinema’s greatest icons out of cold storage, and thrown him into the start of the Cold War. And the good news is they haven’t done a terrible job.

Continue reading

Speed Racer – Whaaaaaat?

To be honest, it’s all gone a bit wrong for the Wachowski Brothers’ adaptation of the 60s animation. I’ve been doing the reading catching the buzz, and managed to watch the vast majority of the film, albeit in little bits. Now it’s time for a post-mortem. Continue reading