To honour the UK release of HIT US COMEDY/Critical clusterfudge Meet the Spartans, I’ve compiled a chart of the worst films to hit the top of the US Box Office in the last 20 years. Yes America, while the British may take your Jason Bournes and Rex the Dinosaurs we’ll still openly mock your somewhat ‘interesting’ choice in movies from time to time.
5 – Big Daddy (27 June – 3 July 1999)
I can’t stand this film. Maybe it’s the annoying kid from Friends. Maybe it’s Adam Sandler. Maybe it’s the whole “you can’t take my kid away, Oi’m ADAM SAANDLER!” thing, but whatever it is, this film annoys the hell out of me.
4 – Pokemon: The First Movie (14-20 November 1999)
Oh great, pokemon. In a film. Just perfect. Low-rent animation, annoying “yeah, let’s go!” chirpiness and odd slave-tastic subtext aren’t the best way to endear yourself to this reviewer.
3 – Jackass:Number Two (24 – 30 September 2006)
A film so stupid that the title is a reference to shit. Yeah, look, it’s right there. A “number two”. You try warning people and yet they still flood in.
2 – The Cat in the Hat (23 November – 6 December 2003)
Dr Seuss – quirky, quitty, quintesentially American. Can’t go wrong with that. Oh, wait, you want to make it a live-action version starring Mike Myers dressed like a member of a Death Row production of ‘Cats’? And you want Dakota Fanning to be in it? And you want the whole thing to appear in a horrible day-glo wash that gives your retinas diabetes? OK, I’m out.
1 – Norbit (11-17 February 2007)
A film so bad it arguably cost Eddie Murphy an Oscar for Dreamgirls. A film so bad that Eddie’s consolation prize(s) were 3 Razzies. All for acting. All for him. And yet, NUMBER ONE!
Check out wikipedia’s full list of Number Ones from ’88 – ’08, and if you’ve got any better suggestions, let’s hear them.
Norbit though. Come on.
Oh, Meet the Spartans is out on Friday. Don’t go and see it. Please.